tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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