I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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