Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
