Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
