I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
