That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
