38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
