I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
