guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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