I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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