Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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