I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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