the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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