I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
