do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
