no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize