I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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