She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
