i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
