I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
