You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
