i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it was like eating out sand paper
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
