my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
