What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
