Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
