I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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