Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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