Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Randomize
