your parents love me but you hate me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
