every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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