I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
