I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
