So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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