Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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