garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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