so that wasnt chicken after all
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
