Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
