I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
