there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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