I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
did i just pee glitter
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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