Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
