i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
