I feel like abortions should bother me more
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
