Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
