youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
