I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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