Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
