God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
