He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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