oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
