u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
