I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's not a walk of shame if you run
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
