I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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