no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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