how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
