apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He better not be in your backpack
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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