Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
