If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
