4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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