She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
