Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
