can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
