He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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