at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
