Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
