so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
